Sweetest love.
Saturday, January 23, 2010 | 5:14 AM
23o12o1o,
Dear Diary,Today started off well. Went to his house and got ready to go out with his mum and him. We went to causeway point together for lunch. Wanted to eat seoul garden but it was already 30mins passed the student offer, and the original price was very very expensive, it was especially not worth it when we were not very hungry. so we ended up eating at jack's place. Justin's mum had beef steak, Justin had a Mixed grill and I had breaded fish with fries.
After lunch, we walked around. Justin gotten two new polo tees. and at around 7 plus, I had to go so I said my goodbyes. And walked around the pasar malam awhile to look for some sour plums for my grandma and headed to amk to meet my parents.
That was all for the day. but now, its 5.33am. And you know why i'm not asleep? Cause I simply have no mood to sleep. Justin and I just quarrelled. You see, though we seem like a perfect couple, always so loving, meeting each other everyday. But at night, we quarrel almost everynight on the phone. None of us want to fight. Usually we end off by both saying sorry and drop the subject. Endings arent always smooth, sometimes, our fights leads to breaks and break-ups. And like most nights, I'll fucking end up crying and have fucking swollen eyes the fuckngt next day. Why do I cry? Well, thats cause I fucking care about this fucking relationship and I have fucking feelings that always kena fucking hurt. BUT NO ONE FUCKING CARES! Well, let me ask you a question,
IF SOMEBODY YOU LOVE, GIVES AN UNEXPECTED NEGATIVE COMMENT. would you feel hurt? You would care how that somebody feels about it right! Issent that one reason why everybody always dress their best when they are meeting their loved ones?
I am no robot! I have a heart. telling you to just think of how I would feel before hurting my feelings, issit so hard? if so, doesnt it mean that you dont really care about how i feel AT ALL? being yourself and your selfish ways more important than the people around you?!
For all who wanted to know what happened, it was my fucking stupid idea of a romantic time with him. I just felt we had lesser alone time. SERIOUSLY! when was the last time we went out together alone?! when was the last time we enjoyed each other's company so much without any interruptions?!! where are those times! Or do you think that its a waste of time or its 'not fun' just being with me!! Nowadays, all I am hearing is you find me irritating. But what the fuck did I fucking do to ALWAYS make you so irritated?!? I showed you more love than you did which you totally took forgranted of me. What more do you want. You keep tempting me to leave you but I WONT! Cause I still fucking love you, but why dont you fucking get that in your head! I listen to you, but you also get angry, scold me that I'm being more of a secretary than a girlfriend. But I listen to you cause I love you and want you to be happy. Like that, you also not happy. What you want me to do?!?!?!! I'm trying my best to be the perfect girlfriend but whatever I do, I fail. You no longer encourage me or make me happy. Issit because its been 1 whole year already and you got sick and tired of me? You said no, but instead of always fucking scolding me and trying to find whose fault, why you dont try to stop it. I give in to you, I listen to you. But like that, you also dont give me any chance. I know you dont like me comparing myself to your exs, but now is the last time I'm ever gonna even talk about it, I know I cant be as cool, as fun, as pretty, as smart as any of your exs, but if you really do love me, why dont you love me for who I am. Why cant you be the guy you always tell me to find(the one where you said 'there are other guys are better than me').
Recently when you started to change every of our picture to other pictures, it already kept me thinking. Issit you seen too much of me till you are sick and tired of seeing me? What happened to the 'looking through my photos and telling me how much you love me'. What happened to all the sweet moments we use to have.
Parents are already a problem for me.
Fuck life. Fuck blogger. it erased alot of my words.
