Sweetest love.
Saturday, April 25, 2009 | 10:26 PM
25o42oo9,
Dear Diary,Help me out here. I feel like my heart is torn into a million pieces now. Why can't he just understand how much i care for him!! Why can't he just wake up!! Justin, I hate you! I really do. Never knew everything for the past few YEARS that I loved you would end up like this. I hate you!!! You just ended my life. You always leave me and I'll just stupidly end up crying for you. Why am i so stupid. Why am I so blind to have fallen for you so deeply, so deep that it's hard to get out. You were the reason why I'm so lively everyday these past few years. Your existence and presence in my life made a change. If I didn't meet you at all, who knows what or who I am today. But all just ended and i hate you. Why are you so selfish! Saying that you love me but truly, we wouldn't last for more than a month!! I hate you!!!! Why do you think of yourself so badly??? For all these years, you became a role model to me in some ways but you've just trashed it all in afew minutes.
Do you think I'm a burden? Is that it? Why didn't you tell that in my face! I hate you. but I can't get myself to hate you more. Now i hate myself for not able to hate you alot!
I try to help you yet noting gets into that thick skull of yours. You're selfish, inconsiderate and mean. You don't appreciate things around you, especially those who actually care for you.
You were the first person I feel so much for. You were the first person i cared about so much. Why did you have to do this to me. Why. You still think its for my own good? I dare you to say that again.
For all these years, I've been remembering what you like and dislike about me and i changed. I thought if I changed, you would like me more. All these while, I've been trying so hard to just make you love me, love me the way I loved you. But now its over. Well, issent that what you typed in your nick name? "its over"? Feeling any happier? Cause I don't.
I've treated you as my best friend and since then, i loved you. Why do you hurt me this way. Why. Tell me why. I hate you. Now that you're not here, I suddenly think I'm alone in this world. Suddenly think that I have no friends that i can turn to.
After all these while I loved you, now I hate you. You made me hate you. Is that the way you want it to be? Even if you have your problems. You think this is helping anything? Maybe for you, but thanks, now I have a problem, that's to forget you. Erase you and everything you did. Yet I know I can't. For the past few years I can't, what makes you think I can now? Is this helping me in anyway? You think?? I guess not. Do you know you mean so much to me, those who know me, knows how much I love you but why can't you see it. Don't tell me that by expressing my feelings in my blog is going to give you any pressure. Well, fuck you.
You say that I won't get what I want in life. But after reading all my post, don't you see? You are the one i want in life. Though everybody might think its stupid, I think not. If you think its stupid, then you seriously do not know me well enough. But now i hate you. So even if you don't know me well, who cares. In times of need, who is there for me? In times of need, I tried my best to be there for you. Is this the things i get? I've been faithful to you and sometimes I doubt you were as faithful to me than I was to you. But I didn't say anything. You once told me to trust you or else what's the point of being together. Well, I handled you all my trust and now you're leaving me. Even if you're not leaving me, you're chasing me away. Fuck you. I hate you. Now that I had my TB test and results are coming out tomorrow, I hope and wish I'd die of it. TB, please kill me cause i hate justin, justin being the most serious one i ever loved.
My world is crushing down, just like the september 11 incident.
I hate you.so just shut up.
