Sweetest love.
Sunday, April 13, 2008 | 6:28 PM
13o4o8,
Dear Diary,
it has been such a long time since i last update you.
well, everything has been going smoothly the pass few daes, except for my emotional stress disorder(i learnt that from a book).
everydae, i've always been thinking, which life is better. having a bf? or without one.? now, while in the midst of not having one, im more of a quiet, lonely and mostly no mood to do anything, but still cheerful person, hanging out with my family most of the time(but still no shopping, thats sadd). on the other hand, while having a bf, i would be like happy, cheerful kind of person. everydae looking out of incoming smses or calls, hoping to meet him everydae(mostly on the happy side i guess).
i wonder if i can all of the above, right now..
i have a best friend, her name is cass. i always tell her almost everything, we would eat recess together, go lunch together before cca.
but all of a sudden, here comes 'spoil-a-lot', _ _ _ _ _ _ _, she noe i've been sticking with cass and she jus had to take her away. now, we seldom go for recess together, seldom eat lunch together before cca, left me feeling dam lonely in school.. of course i would look for my other good friends but cass was like... my talkative partner. i would always have something to say to her, not sure why. well, this is a problem i can't solve. of course i wun tell _ _ _ _ _ _ _ to stop pestering her cos im not of such person. besides, im not angry with her or anything. she was the one, who din want to tok to me, avoid me and start a big commosion about the fashion show thing with me. i even said sorry even noeing im not at fault (but nooooo, she wouldn't accept it). certainly nthing i can do.
anyways, those are like the general updates...
now, i shall type the everydae update.
FRIDAE, 11-o4-o8my buddies and i attended a drama performance at SJI by SJI. we, of course, got it for free.(:
its from my cca(ELDDS) teacher. the performance started at 8pm but we had to be sitted by 7.30pm so we had to rush home aftr cca(which ended at 5.30pm) and meet back at toa payoh interchange at 7pm.
aftr the performance, we wanted to go for supper(we din eat dinner) some wanted to go toa payoh, some wanted to go bishan. so we split up. i couldn't decide where to go which made me lose my appetite so me and xue qi went home. we had a direct bus, 151.
on the bus, bryan called me, i din noe it was him so i answered the call(obviously im trying not to answer bryan and jusin's calls). anyways, we talked and he dragged on talking. i knew i had to put down the call before entering the house cos of some major reasons(not only my parent's).
as i knew this call was going to take up time, i took the longer path home. we talked about all the "how are you" and all. den i told him about the two people who asked me for my phone numbers in public(it happened quite recent). as soon as i saw the house, ended the call(jus on time).
ended up reaching home at around 10.30pm plus. watched tv till around 1am.
SATURDAE, 12-o4-o8todae i had to wake up at 6 plus going 7 as i had to report at 8 or 8.30am, at Nanyang JC for my PFT 2.4km run. i was obviously scared, knowing i would fail. i could easily pass my 5-items but my 2.4 run was a disaster most of the time. highest i acheived throughout my secondary school life, was a silver. anyways, i was running in the first batch. my legs literally shaked before i even started running. during the run, i kept finding ways to pay attention away from the tiredness. aftr the first round, i notice by looking at the floor was a wonder option to attract attention away from all the tiredness. aftr the next round, i started competing with my own shadow(i noe it sounded stupid, but it kept me going). aftr the first few rounds, i finally couldn't take it anymore. i started to slow down. as soon as i wanted to brisk-walk, jenette(lynette's sister) ran up to me and cheered me on. she dragged me, shouted at me, pushed me, shouted at me more(such a nice friend, though i dun realli noe her so well). it was realli nice of her. she helped me pass this year, my timing was 17.31(passing timing was 17.50). yea, thats right. I PASSED MY 2.4KM RUN! HAHAHAHAAHA. THANKS JENETTE!(:
aftr my last round, i couldn't feel my legs, it was all wobbly. though i passed, i was one of the last few.. but still, at least i wasn't the last.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _came running in the finish line aftr me. she failed so she was all upset. i noe im not suppose to tell anybody but well, i blanked her name out rite? anyways, she she cheated. she took another piece of paper and rewrote her timing, making her pass. her last timing from 18.00+(failing time) to 17.00(passed). though, i was happy that she din had to retake the run, but that made me officially the last one(thats realli bad for me). well, i THINK im the last, maybe somebody else ran in the finish line before 'you-know-who' which makes me still being one of the last. overall, thanks jenette, ur such a nice friend.
SUNDAE, 13-o4-o8todae, i went to church. guess who i saw! ritchie! haven seen him for so long. but he still looks as beng-ish as ever. lol. aftr mass, i wanted to go for choir practice. so i got my lunch money and wanted to buy my lunch when i reminded me of my korAlph. he book in army already(very very terribly sad). he was the closer kor now, as my eldest kor is always not at home, chances talking to him is super rare. anyways, i wasn't hungry that time so wanted to eat something 'light'.. who knew, nothing there was 'light'. they had laksa and prawn mee. aftr that, i couldn't decide wad to eat. i wanted to share with my eldest brother but he already sharing with his gf. that makes me a loner. i tried to find steffi and genestine and all but i couldn't find anybody. at that point of time, i realli felt very lonely, like a total loser. loner, loner, loner, loser, loser, loser. den i went to my dad and just told him everything and ended of with "i miss sharing food with kor kor alph." and cried. my dad suggested i follow them cos my eyes were all watery and all. i wiped my tears on my dad's shirt and told me korAloy i wun be going for choir practice.
oh, how i miss having the whole family together... when my both brothers would be at the back of the car argueing or talking about game or wadeva boys tok about. me listening to the radio, my granny looking out the window and my parents infront talking...last time, out 5-sitter car used to be so small, now the 7-sitter car seems so empty.
I MISS KOR KOR. :( badly...
now, on msn, my friend(guy) is jioing a girl and cos of some reasons, he have to delete me and sot of not acknowledge me, even as a friend.
i guess this is my life?
first comes relationship problems, den comes family, now is friends?!?!
i miss bryan...
i miss justin...
i miss my kor kors(family)...
i miss my friends...
i miss my godbros...
wat the fuck is going wrong with my life... ...
i dun wan to be a lonely loser.. and IM NOT one.
this is jus the down side of life. hope the up side of life is coming soon. real soon. :(
