Sweetest love.
Saturday, August 25, 2007 | 8:54 PM
a problem i will never forget.,
THIS IS A FUCKING PROBLEM I NEVER WANTED IT TO HAPPEN.on thursdae, i went out wif him. we went to marina square to watch a movie. but some stupid mum's friend saw me there wif him and told my mum. on thursadae nite, my mum wanted to tok to me about it. but i was already sleeping. i fell asleep aftr toking to him on the phone. aftr noeing i was sleeping, she confiscated my hp. at nite, he called. my mum picked up and toked to him. i din noe wad they toked abt. but my mum told me she asked him how he met me and wad was he to me.
the next morning, fridae morning. its a schooling dae and i woke up at the normal time. i went round looking for my hp as i noe i slept wif it. and i was most afraid my mum saw he called. as wad i was scared of, it actually happened. my mum took it. she called me to her room and locked the doors. i was totally scared as i din like all this lectures they have always been giving me. my dad woke up and started scolding me. all i wanted was my hp back and ready for school. my dad and mum scolded me and kept asking who was the guy on the hp. my mum asked me how i noe him. not noeing she toked to him on the hp. i said that i knew him from school cos he had to come to my school for some project. and my friend intro him to me. when my mum asked me wad was he to me, i told them the truth. he was my boyfriend. at least i din fully lied!
my mum told me she toked to him last nite and he gave a different story. i got so confused and knew i couldn't lie anymore. i din noe wad to say. they carried on scolding me and soon, i was late for school. my parents even called me
cheap! who the hell would call their own children cheap. they even compared me to a prositude. issit having bf so complicated?
all i wanted was jus someone i love alot to care for me. a companion who would be there for me 24 hours per dae. in need of trouble, sadness and in happiness. someone who i can tell all my long winded stories about everything. i thought he was the one. i realli realli loved him. my parents told me to break up wif him. thats a vry hard task to do. even if i did tell him i wanted to break up, deep down, i still loved him. i would wait forever jus to finally be wif him again. though i will be lonely. alot of my friends are always so busy that they cnt even accompany toking on the hp. some of my stories wud even bored them out. but im a person who realli need attention, seriously, i cnt stand being alone. if im a lonely person, wad makes u think i will be happy all the time. every dae and every nite, i cry.. jus becos of my parents, not noeing how to understand how i feel. they keep saying its puppy love and all. but if its realli puppy love, i wudden be so sadd as how i am now. maybe he wun love me tat much. but i realli love him alot.
one reason my parents din allow me to have a bf was tat boys are so dangerous. all they think about is dirty stuff. but not all boys. my kor kor is one example. and bryan, he is not those kind of guys my dad keep saying. i realli love him wholeheartedly. even aftr noeing he was actually playing wif me, i will still love him. and im willing to wait for him until he wakes up. but wadever it is, i do love him. i miss him. and now, its so hard to contact wif him. i got no hp, i cnt borrow my kor kor hp. on fridae nite, i borrowed my kor's hp to sms him secretly, telling him to get prepared cos my parents are going to call him. but my mum found out aftr that. she hated me the whole entire nite. theres no way i can contact him. my parents reads my emails nowadaes. but i still continue sending him email cos i dun see him online. and thats the onli way i can contact him. im banned from using any source of contact. im jus afraid. is god actually helping me? sometime, i think god is trying to tell me he not realli a good person. but why, i still dun understand. theres so many things in my wallet, my hp, even in my com abt him. in my room, there are presents he gave me. example is the a teddy, i named it mr teddy. i sleep wif it every nite. it reminds me of him. in my hp, there are pics of him and me together. in my com, there is my friendster. friendster is where everything happened. my com also have alot of pics of him and me. i dunno wad to do. so confused. i cnt stop crying. jus thinking abt him, noeing i have to give up soon or later. i feel so useless and hopeless. now i can laugh and smile wif my parents. no matter how much i hate them for making all this happens, i still love them cos they are my parents. hate and love is so much different, its so confusing too. sometimes, i hate them so much tat i wished i could jus run away from home and never come back. sometimes i love them so much tat i still play around wif them or go out. now that i cnt tok to anybody, nobody noes how much pain im feeling.
im going to lock mysef in my room now. i hope all this wud jus go pass quickly. my heart realli aches. its broken into half. during these FIVE months together wif him, thinking he was the one, the one and onli one who i will never break up wif, always thinking he wud be the one breaking up wif me instead. yet, now im the one who will be asking him to break wif me. i will never forget the times we had together. the happiness i had, the happiness he gave me. i dun even mind paying a million bucks on him, i jus wanted him to be happy.
he is the onli companion who will make me so happy that every movement he makes, be it walking or eating, the picture is in my mind. jus wan to say, i love him so much, i will wait. i will wait until at least he gets married wif some other gals than thats the time i noe i will have to give up.
to bryan,im realli sorry that all this have happened. somehow, all ur emails and comments does not seem to be sad. is good. but sometimes u make me think if u are playing wif me in the first place. i hope not. u noe i love u alot, so much thing i was willing to do for u. u shud noe wad i did. though i noe u did more than me. but im still sorry. its my parents who will make problem for u todae, tmr and the following dae and so on. if u realli loved me, u will wait. but if u cnt, its ok. i noe u are a person who can get many many wonderful girls out there. u being so shuai and sweet and cute, u can attract a girl so fast. but all i care is that i will wait for u. even if its until afe of 21 or aftr ur NS or wadeva. tys for the times u gave me it has been wonderful. tys for the gifts and specially the ring, i loved it. thanks for everything.colleen.
